


Small Intimacies

by ladyoneill



Series: Shadows Of The Moon: Full Moon Ficlets [73]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Constipation, F/M, Honeymoon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 18:34:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2438675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyoneill/pseuds/ladyoneill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first day of their honeymoon, Angelina realizes something about Derek--he rarely touches anyone or lets anyone touch him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Small Intimacies

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Fullmoon ficlet prompt: touch starved, and who is more touch starved in this series than Derek? There's a tiny bit of het sex in this. From Angelina's POV. *sigh* Great, now I'm writing from the POV of a minor character...

Heart racing, breath panting from her open lips, Angelina watches Derek's face for any sign of emotion. His teeth are clenched, his eyes closed. There's sweat on his forehead and the skin of his shoulders beneath his fingers is warm.

But...

She can't tell if he's enjoying this.

He made sure she did, and the wonder and pleasure carried her through the initial pain of him entering her body. He kissed her and touched her with skill and care and he's so careful now, too, but...

With a shudder, Derek groans, the first sound he's made, then moves off her, away from her onto his side facing the patio where a cool tropical night breeze blows through the open door.

Reaching out a hand, Angelina nearly touches him, then pulls it back and, instead brings the sheet over her trembling body.

She doesn't know when or if Derek falls asleep, but it's a long time before she does.

*****

When she awakens to the morning sun streaming through sheer curtains, the other side of the bed is empty and cool to the touch. They're at a resort on a private Caribbean island, their well-appointed, two room cabana located on its own stretch of beach. A honeymooner's paradise.

They have two weeks here to get to know each other before a week in Jamaica and another sailing the islands.

So far they've barely spoken to each other.

But, they've consummated their mating.

As Angelina slips from the bed and wraps a pale pink satin pegnoir around herself--a gift from her sister--she looks at the bite scars on her wrist and feels a tingle of pleasure, but it's her own. 

Derek hasn't opened the bond from his end.

After freshening up, she goes to find her mate, locating him on the patio off the main room. Wearing only a pair of faded jeans, he's standing facing the ocean, drinking coffee. The tattoo on his back draws her and, as she moves to join him, she again reaches out to touch him, but something stops her.

"Good morning."

"...Morning," he grunts in response, not looking at her, and she forces down a sigh and settles at the table. There are several covered dishes and she discovers the eggs, sausage and pastries are still warm. 

"Have you eaten?"

With a shake of his head, he joins her and they eat in silence.

After breakfast, Angelina tries to initiate conversation, asking him questions about his childhood, his interests, his place in his Pack. Derek answers her, short often one word answers, and rarely looks at her. He doesn't ask her anything.

She wants to ask him about his blue eyes, about the fire, about those six years in hiding, about his sister's murder, but he can barely talk to her about the fact that he likes to read French novels in the original language, so she keeps those questions on the tip of her tongue.

When she suggests they spend the afternoon lazing on the beach, he seems relieved.

*****

That night they dine in the main restaurant and, when Derek helps her out of her silk shawl, Angelina realizes his fingers don't touch her skin.

As they peruse the menus, listen to the specials, order their meals, she lets her mind wander over the past few days and she begins to realize that Derek has rarely touched her. He took her hand at the mating ceremony and kissed her, but as soon as they were back down the aisle, he released her hand. While he placed a hand on her back to guide her onto the airplane, it was a touch she barely felt.

Except for the night before, he's hardly touched her.

During the quiet meal, Angelina starts to recall interactions between Derek and his Pack. He's more vocal with them, but she can't remember seeing him touch any of them.

The rest of the Pack touches all the time, and easily and happily included her in everything from hugs to light brushes of fingers to squeezing of shoulders. Lydia applied her make-up for the mating ceremony and Cora helped her dress and do her hair. That day alone Stiles hugged her several times, and the Alpha scent marked her and welcomed her into the Pack the moment she arrived. 

And the cubs were all over her, but she can't remember Derek cuddling any of them. As all born wolves, they were very tactile, but the few times Derek let any of them hug him, he barely touched them back.

Just like he's barely touched her.

Dry mouthed at the thought of a life of rare intimacy, Angelina drains her water glass under Derek's hooded eyes.

Later that night he makes love to her again, this time brushing kisses down her stomach until his mouth is between her thighs. When her hands instinctively go to his hair, Derek jerks back for a moment, and she lets them fall to the bedding where they remain, twisted tightly to keep from giving him unwanted caresses.

Again, they sleep apart.

*****

As the first week of their honeymoon passes, Angelina does manage to bring Derek out of himself a bit. He starts talking to her more, asking her questions in response to her own. They learn about each other, but most of that knowledge is about trivial things. She still can't bring herself to ask about his eyes. The blue doesn't bother her--she wouldn't have mated with him it did--but she is curious. He's the Alpha's Right Hand, a warrior, and few wolves have reached the age of thirty in that position without killing. That he's strong and able are two of the reasons she agreed to his proposal.

They spend a lot of time swimming and snorkeling, lazing on the beach and reading, but do take a few excursions into the town to shop and sightsee. Most of the time Derek's quiet, but she does get a few small smiles out of him by pointing out items she thinks he'll like. After a visit to an art fair where she purchased several pieces that caught her eye, they sit in an outside cafe sampling the local cuisine, and she finally comes out and asks him, "Are you enjoying yourself?"

The baffled look he gives her surprises her as much as his honest answer. "Yes."

"You don't look like you're enjoying yourself." 

Eyes going furtive, Derek hunches his shoulders, then finally frowns down at his half-eaten sandwich. "I...I'm not very demonstrative."

Biting back her 'no fucking kidding', Angelina reaches over and takes his hand. Not surprised when he tries to pull back, she tightens her grip until his own fingers relax just a bit. "Derek, do you like me?" she quietly asks.

"Yes." Listening to his heartbeat, seeing him nod, she believes him, and waits for him to speak. He fiddles with his sandwich, drinks some of his beer, taps his free fingers on the table, and, then, says softly, "I'm not good at this."

"This?"

"Being human. Being a person with another person. I just ..." Looking up at her, he swallows hard and, for the first time, she sees vulnerability on his face. "Why do you think I went the old fashioned route in picking a mate? I put it off for so long because I'm not good at...not good." His eyes drop again and he gestures for the check. "We need to talk, but not here."

"Okay." Appetite gone, she pushes back her plate and waits for him to pay before following him out of the cafe. When they reach the first corner, Derek deliberately reaches back and takes her arm to guide her across the street. He lets it go when they're on the other curb, but doesn't shy away when they walk side by side and she brushes against him on occasion.

Back in their cabana, they settle on the patio under an umbrella and she pours them glasses of juice, then waits. As Derek sips his drink, his shoulders slowly relax, but she can still read the tension on his face.

Because he still hasn't opened the bond between them, she can't feel it and that frustrates her.

"You've never asked me about my eyes," is what he eventually opens with.

"I wanted to."

"But, I understand. I haven't shared anything really personal. It's hard for me." Leaning forward slightly, elbows on the table, he lets his eyes flash, then lowers them. "When I was fifteen I fell in love for the first time. She...she was human and...brilliant and beautiful and..." He takes a deep breath. "I thought we'd be together forever. I let myself be manipulated into getting an Alpha to bite her and...it didn't take." His painfilled voice drops away and Angelina feels her heart start to beat rapidly in sympathy. "I couldn't let her suffer."

Her move to touch him is instinctive, but she isn't surprised when he jerks back, shaking his head, so she just gently says, "It was mercy."

Shrugging, Derek and takes another sip of juice, then looks out over the white sand beach to the serene blue water.

A few minutes pass before he resumes talking. "After that I started to pull away from my family and I was...Stiles would say vulnerable. I say stupid," he growls and then rubs a hand over his face. "It's my fault my family died. Just because I wanted to feel anything other than anger and grief, I let a hunter seduce me and she used what I told her to trap them and burn them alive." 

Angelina starts to protest but his eyes lock on hers, his hand waves harshly. "I've heard it all, that I was a child and she was an adult, that she had a well thought out plan, that she was an evil bitch. It doesn't help because I can't..." His voice drops with his eyes. "I can't forgive myself." Sinking back into his chair, he stares at his lap.

"Derek, I...I won't try to convince you of any of that, but thank you for sharing it with me." He looks up in surprise and she gives him a sad smile. "You and your older sister ran and hid for several years, without a pack, right?" He nods. "When did you stop letting people touch you?"

Clearly shocked, he starts to deny it, but then his brow furrows. "I...Then, I think. Laura and I were so desperate to stay under the radars of both other packs and Hunters. I'd already started to pull away from my family, avoiding the cuddling, sharing a bed, even most casual touches, and once we were alone, it was just easier to continue that. Still is," he adds faintly.

"Because you've become used to it." She empathizes with him, but she's not willing to live like this, only being touched during sex and with a mate who is so emotionally closed down. "You don't let yourself be comforted."

"I don't deserve it."

"You don't think you deserve it. There's a difference, Derek. Please...please let me show you."

Their eyes meet again, but Angelina can tell he's not quite accepting her words, so she bluntly asks, "Why did you take a mate at all?"

"For the Pack, for cubs. We need to grow," is his equally blunt answer.

"And when we have these cubs, will you ever cuddle them, kiss a scraped knee, hug them when they have their first heartbreak or score a home run? Or will you stay off to the side and just watch them grow away from you?"

"Angelina," he growls in frustration. She chooses to take it as a good sign. 

"You've never asked me why I agreed to be your mate."

Derek shrugs. "It's a good match, brings a strong alliance to both packs."

"True, but I could have found that lots of places. When I first met you, I saw in you an intelligence, a quiet strength, a devotion to Pack that I've been looking for." When he gives her a disbelieving look, all raised eyebrows, she purses her lips. "Yes, you're very handsome, too, but there are lots of handsome wolves looking for mates who have those qualities and are also open with their emotions. Over the past year I met half a dozen young males that fit the bill, but we didn't click. My heart didn't skip a beat. It did when I met you."

"...I'm not good at romance," he mutters.

"No kidding." Her laugh draws what might be a snort from him. "But, that's okay. I'm not looking for romance. I'm looking for, wanting, something real. A life with a strong wolf who will hopefully give me cubs. A man who will care for me and comfort me, let me be myself and let me grow. I saw all that in you."

"I don't know how."

"Are you at least willing to talk to me, not about what our favorite books are, but real, deep intimacy? I don't want an empty mating. Do you?"

"...No, but I'm not sure if I can open up the way you want. I've been closed for so long, half my life."

This time when Angelina reaches for his hand, Derek lets her take it. "We'll start with small things. Touching. You don't let anyone touch you, Derek. How have you stayed sane?"

Gradually his fingers tighten around hers and a mirthless smile crosses his face. "Sometimes I'm not sure I have."

But he doesn't release her hand.

*****

Later that night, after a lot of uncomfortable silences and halting talks, accompanied by small touches when he'd allow it, for the first time they don't make love.

But, they do fall asleep with Derek cradling Angelina against his chest, his hand gently stroking her back. Right before she slips into slumber she feels contentment slip haltingly from him through their mate bond, and she smiles and sends her own contentment back.

End


End file.
